Text and image by Sarita Rajiv
Celeb life confounds me. Especially celebrity weddings. You’d think a life event like a wedding would be occasion enough to display some ‘real people’ behaviour. But then ‘celebrities are real people too’ is an oxymoron that’s never meant to be. The more times celebrities get married, the crazier they and the people around them get – at least if we go by the utterly crazy wedding gifts they were given or they listed on their wedding registries.
I’m not talking of the ‘when rich people get married they get lavish wedding gifts’ syndrome here, I’m not talking about the Ferraris, Bentley’s or Gulfstream Jets kind of wedding gifts. I’m talking crazy as in ridiculous, outlandish, bizarre wedding gifts. The kind that makes you think, “he asked for what!” or “celebrities must belong to another planet”. Don’t believe me? Go on, take a look.
1) Over a dozen crystal ash trays: According to The Sun, when Kate Moss got married to Jamie Hince in 2011, among other lavish gifts, her wedding registry included 14 crystal ashtrays. 14?! I’m thinking one ash tray for every room in their house. But then what happens when they go travelling? Imagine the inconvenience of not having one everywhere you go!
2) A bull: At Russell Brand and Katy Perry’s wedding in India, guess what wedding gift PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) gave them? A bull named Russell. Russell (the bull) obviously had no say in the matter. Bulls seem to be number 1 on PETA’s list of favourite gifts for celebrities. Unbullievable ha?
3) Toilet roll: I’m not making this up, I swear. When singer Madonna got married to movie director Guy Ritchie in Scotland, the minister marrying them gave the couple two toilet rolls as a wedding gift. According to the minister, toilet paper is long and strong, which is what she hoped their marriage would be. Can someone please tell her toilet paper is also used to clean crap and flushed down the toilet?
4) Gold sculptures: When asked what wedding gift he would like to give Kayne West and Kim Kardashian, fashion designer Stephane Rolland mentioned 18 karat gold sculptures…to immortalize their union. Thanks to the media blitz, their wedding will forever remain ingrained in our memories. No more immortalization necessary Stephane.
5) A sword: Actor Matthew McConaughey and his wife got a sword from Washington State University football coach, Mike Leach. Acting, football and swords? I’m sure there’s a connection somewhere. Now if only Matthew were a prince riding into battle to save his kingdom from invaders!
I'm thinking, these are not wedding gifts a sane person could want, right? Except maybe the gold sculptures...now that would work very nicely to start a trust fund for the kids.
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